tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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