do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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