Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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