sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
