He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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