i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
