Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
