Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
