fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
