apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
