Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
