this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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