i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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