WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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