He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
