tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
