oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize