If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
