How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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