well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
