So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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