And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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