Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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