Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
