i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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