i think i have herpe
just one?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
