Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
