hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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