I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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