If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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