just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
