I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
