If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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