Do you still have your period?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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