I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
