I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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