I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
