just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
