Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
