i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
