Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
