does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
