Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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