put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
