That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
