true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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