yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
