mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
