hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
