Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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