I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
