he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
