we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i think my mom watched the whole time
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
