Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
