my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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