well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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