Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
