All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize