He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
