i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
FUCK WHALES
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
