So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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