She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
