she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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