I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I want to have your abortion
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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