You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
