i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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