I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
