In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
