Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
