hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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