last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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