There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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