we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
